Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Two Voices

There are two voices inside of my head. They argued everyday, telling me what's right and wrong. They criticized all of the things I've done. Lately, those voices sound even louder than they used to be. Whenever I'm not talking with someone, these voices will make conversations by themselves, most of the time, they never agreed with each other. This is not an imaginary friend, it is clearly just two voices. I'll give you a little example of how these voices talk to each other inside of my mind. They usually commented on everything that just happened to me.

Example: My Lecturer gave me a hard time in college and I was so depressed and have no idea how to deal with it.

Voice 1: Ugh, don't be a wimp. You know you deserved it!
Voice 2: Well, maybe that lecturer didn't have to be so harsh on her. What's wrong with giving a helping hand for their students?
Voice 1: What's wrong? He is not your parents nor your friends. He wouldn't care even if you kill yourself.
Voice 2: But he's a teacher... 
Voice 1: And you're an adult.
Voice 2: What?
Voice 1 : It means you have to be strong to endure any hardships, so maybe that's why he gave you that.
Voice 2: But she already has enough hardships without that lecturer had to be so rude and...
Voice 1: He wouldn't know and he wouldn't care! You're not his kid. He doesn't give a damn about your existence.
Voice 2: You're right, but it is his duty to help students...
Voice 1: Yeah right, no one cares about duty now, just bear with it or kill yourself...
Voice 2: No, dear, Denisa, don't worry. There will be a way...
Voice 1: There won't be. You should help yourself. This world isn't nice
Voice 2: But it doesn't mean you have to lose your kindness...
Voice 1: People need money, not kindness
Voice 2 : ....

And I would hit my head after that because these conversation in my head just seemed to have no end. I literally laughed in irony or cringed sometimes when I heard some of those opinions, tho, like... I'm feel like I'm getting insane. I don't know if it's healthy or not, or is it happen with others? Like you really listen to other voices, but at the same time, you know that you're not really a part of it, but those voices are within your head, so it means they're your own thoughts, but as the same time you know it isn't you, or it is too rude and bitchy (that voice 1 always talks like a senior who loves to bully other), or too kind, to be you. 

You know what I mean?

There was an error in this gadget