Saturday, May 21, 2016

Love Yourself?

The thing that I hate about myself is:

I always feel like people might get annoyed with me, ever since I was a kid. Although it has something to do with some childhood terrible experiences, the trauma lives within me until now. And the worst thing is when I sense that the person whom I used to call a good friend is no longer see me as their friend. And I wouldn't dare to ask him or her why. I would just accept his sudden coldness towards me and decided to leave for good without properly saying goodbye.

Talking about a goodbye, that's also one of the things where I'm worst at. I've cut ties with few people without words because it was simply too hurt for me, and I left certain places without a proper parting words. I couldn't bring myself to do that like others can normally do. I have these weird feelings that people might will be annoyed and they wouldn't careless. Again, because I'm probably thinking about other's opinion too much, I ended up ignoring them and let them think of me as careless and quiet person so I don't have to explain myself. In the end, I'm so used with it that I truly become careless of my surroundings.

I guess if I were born as someone else, I would hate this version of me, and again, because I couldn't love myself enough, I'm feel like no one else would.

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