Saturday, May 21, 2016

Love Yourself?

Assalamualaikum. Wr. Wb.

The thing that I hate about myself is:

I always feel like people might get annoyed with me, ever since I was a kid. Although it has something to do with some childhood terrible experiences, the trauma lives within me until now. And the worst thing is when I sensed that the person whom I used to call a good friend no longer sees me as their friend, I wouldn't dare to ask him or her why. I would just accept his/her sudden coldness towards me and decided to leave for good without properly saying goodbye or fix it.

Talking about goodbye, that's also one of the things where I'm worst at. I've cut ties with few people without words because it was simply too hurtful for me, and I left certain places without a proper parting words. I couldn't bring myself to do that like others can normally do. I have these weird feelings that people would get annoyed and they wouldn't care if I'm gone. Who am I anyway? Again, because I'm probably thinking about other people's opinion too much, I ended up ignoring them and let them think of me as careless and quiet person so I don't have to explain myself. In the end, I'm so used to it that I truly become careless of everything.

I guess if I were born as someone else, I would hate this version of me, and again, because I couldn't love myself enough, I feel like no one else would.

Wassalamualaikum. Wr. Wb.

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