Monday, January 18, 2016

Jangan Ganggu!

Aku tahu kalau hidup ini bukan sekadar kesedihan. Pasti akan ada arus yang membawa kita berputar mengalami jatuh dan bangun. Lalu, bagaimana bisa diri ini terperangkap begitu lama dalam suramnya kesendirian? Padahal ia dikelilingi orang-orang. Aku tak tahu, apa yang aku cari? Apakah sekelilingku nyata adanya? Ataukah hanya fana, sehingga meski dekat, tak bisa aku benar-benar merasakannya?

Lalu, orang-orang yang bahagia, bisakah mereka terus berbahagia saja tanpa harus mengomentari kesedihan orang lain? Toh, aku juga tak akan membawanya ikut dalam duniaku. Jika kalian bahagia, baguslah, nikmatilah, tak perlu menyakiti orang lain yang kalian rasa menyedihkan dengan kata-kata kalian. Jika tak berniat menenangkan, maka menjauhlah, tinggalkanlah, biarkan aku terpuruk sendirian.

Aku pun berusaha. Aku pun mencari. Aku pun bertahan. Aku pun juga ingin meraih kebahagiaan itu. Maka meski aku berbeda, tak perlulah kau ikut campur, apalagi mengganggu hanya karena sekedar ingin tahu. Aku akan menemukan kebahagiaan, sekarang atau nanti, aku pasti temukan. Meski sekarang mungkin masih jauh, dan aku masih sendirian. Itu lebih baik. Meski aku masih terperangkap dalam kesedihanku sendiri, aku akan belajar untuk lebih kuat. Pada akhirnya kita semua akan bahagia.

Tapi, kesedihan juga bukanlah bencana, apalagi kesalahan yang harus ditutupi. Maka biarkan ia mengalir. Dan semoga kesedihan itu akan menjagaku, agar tidak meninggi hati, apalagi merasa lebih baik dari siapapun. Kesedihan itu akan menjadi pintu kebahagiaanku, untuk menyadari betapa berharganya ia ketika ia datang nanti.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Misleaded

Maybe I was falling in love with you for longer than I thought
Maybe behind those laughs and togetherness, I secretly wish that you felt the same
Maybe I thought that you were just waiting for the right moment
Maybe I saw this friendship as something much deeper than what it really is
Maybe I thought that we had a future together

You were the first person who acknowledged me and needed me by your side
You were the first person who choose to call me when you were sad
You were the first person who told me that my existence calm you down
You were the first person who made me believe that I'm good enough
You were the first person that showed me your weaknesses

And I didn't realized up to this point that I might have fallen for you for a long time
And maybe that's why it hurts so much to find out the truth
And maybe that's why I got disappointed eventhough I probably already knew the truth
And maybe that's why I still had this trauma no matter how many times I tried to overcome it
Maybe because I finally realized that I.... was in love with you

Now I know that all the calls you made was not for me but for someone else
Now I know that you needed me by your side only so you can have someone else
Now I know that never had even the slightest feeling about me
Now I know that I was just a shadow to accompany you and someone else
Now I know that I was meaningless

I wish I didn't know
I wish I didn't find out the truth
I wish I didn't care too much
I wish I didn't meet you
I wish I didn't fall in love with you
There was an error in this gadget