Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Am I Going Mad?

Maybe... Just maybe... I do need a professional help. I mean, when I get angry, sad, or feeling anxious, I'd harm myself by hitting the walls with my fist, or hit my face, because I realized that the more I feel pain in my body, the less heartache I feel inside.

That isn't healthy, is it?

But no, I never tried to cut myself, just once got an idea but I still have my logic with me. And I don't harm myself often, but it's getting a bit more often than it used to be nowadays. I don't know is it because I'm getting more and more insecure or because my problem is getting bigger, or maybe it's just me getting weaker.

I can't talk to anyone, even my closest friends. I no longer have people I can truly be honest with. I still care with my bestfriends and I swear I will always be a good listener for them, but the problem is, I can't do the same with them. I'm afraid that if they found out my problem or the way I handle my stress, they'd freaked out.

So, it's only me and myself and my Teddy Bear and you blog. Haha, I can't even tell you what really happen, all I can tell is I'm having trouble with myself and I don't know how to deal with it. I think I'm going mad. My insomnia is getting worse, my mind won't shut at night and I'm having the flashbacks of the most terrible things every night now.

Maybe I should really stay away from everything for now.

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