Monday, February 17, 2014

A Hardcore Lover


I can say that I'm a hardcore lover. When I love, I tend to do something crazy. Love in here does not only meant for boy, it stands for for something else too like love for parents, people, friends, organisation.... etc.

- I went to a distant island to see my crush when I was 18, and I made it as a trip. My biggest goal was, of course, only to see him. The all time quote "I will go to the other part of the world only for you..." actually works for me.

- I stayed in a room only to make sure that he's okay when a teacher made fun of him and embarrassed him in front of many students. I stayed only to make sure he's okay, and to make sure he's not alone, although I had to stay for hours...

- I bought a lot of cakes only to make sure that he would have a wonderful, precious birthday. 

- I almost broke my feet when my Dad got a severe stomachache and seemed like dying. I was so afraid that I ran out of my room to find a Doctor in the middle of the night, and ended up fell on stairs and broke my right feet. The fear of losing my Father scared the hell of me to the point that I would sacrifice anything just to save him.

- I spent my hours in a place where I feel I belong, although I know sometimes I spent too much time in it, time flies, as if I only spent an hour. Maybe because my happiness is in that place that I don't feel like sacrificing any of my time.

I sometimes overdo it, I feel the need to express love by doing something real, because I couldn't say love so easily. Heck! I can never say that magic word, but my body automatically do something to express it, sometimes it feels like I couldn't control it. I don't know why or how? Anyone could show me the way to control feelings? I'm afraid with my own overflowing emotion, it drives me crazy sometimes to the point that I can almost hurt myself. My friend said, put only 50% of your feeling to someone you like so you won't get hurt too much... but hey, do I have strength to control it? No matter what my brain said, my heart just don't follow the order. It has its own will and I have no power to control it. The only thing I can do is only trying to make myself as busy as possible to make me forget it little by little. But, magically, when I'm back with myself all alone again.. BAM! Those feelings are coming back to me as if they are never leave.

A little help?

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