Thursday, September 6, 2012

Stop Looking for an Excuse Now

Assalamualaikum. Wr. Wb

"Salah jurusan..!" are things that I kept repeating on my head every time I have to face my college, my study. Although Journalistic was my first choice in PMDK (because you only got to choose one subject!), but for these past two years, I've been bug by the thought that I've chosen the wrong subject. I kept thinking that I should have took Literature instead since I've always wanted to work as a writer. I don't want to be boring journalist because I don't even like news. I'm not even up to date on things that going on around me. How could I become a journalist? 

I kept blaming on my parents without their knowing, that the reason I was forced to take this subject was because my big brother already took English Literature in UNPAD, so I got to choose different subject. Haha shame on me..

You know what? I think I've come to realize that actually, I'm just looking for an excuse all the time. Excuse for my laziness, for my disappointment to myself who too afraid, too pesimistic to pursue my own dream. The result is I've collected some bad grades for these past two years. 

I keep hearing people saying, "You're awesome, you're smart, you're better than me, you're....." bla bla bla, they keep praising on me for my indifferent towards my bad grade. My friends thought that my flat expression means that I'm strong and okay. That I'm invulnerable. Those bad grades will never make me down, they said. Well, true, at first I didn't really care about my grades since I never put effort to make them improve, haha. I'm such a pathetic.

Getting new friends, getting to know people's personality, and some quality talk with besties make me realize that I've waste my precious two years because of my selfishness, my own ego. My heart hurts a bit when I realized that the ones who will be hurt the most about me is not me but my parents. I will make them really sad if they ever find out what kind of college student their daughter is. :') 

New semester begins. I think it's time to take my study seriously. I'm sure I'll be able to reach good grades, be more focus than ever. Hey, my bestfriends in class are the most inteligent people I've ever met and they always help me. I'm sure if I put my full effort into this, I will success. Stop looking for an excuse for my laziness and selfishness. This is for my own sake, right. Allah with me. I shall continue the next two years of my college life in a better way. Getting good grades, getting part time job to make my parents be at ease, and graduate in the next two years (amin!)


Bismilllahirrohmanirrohim


Wassalamualaikum. Wr. Wb.

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